Dear Google, Why You No Love Me No More?

googleIt’s not my fault, I didn’t do anything wrong. I was only doing what you told me to do. You told me to write good content, so I did. You told me not to write content stuffed with keywords, so I didn’t.

You told me to build an authoritative website which would encourage other websites, blogs and directories to link to me, so I did. You told me these links were the most important thing to have in order to gain your love.

So I worked hard to get them, because I wanted your love, and they started coming. At first just a few, then it grew some more, and then it started snowballing naturally, the way you said it should. There were links coming in from all sorts of directions, over 800 of them at the last count. I thought that’s what you wanted. Continue reading

Why, oh, why the button fly?

button flyUsing a public toilet is, at the best of times, not something that’s at the top of my list of things to do. Aside from the smell of stagnant piss, and the dribblings all over the floor in exactly the place where you need to stand, and the bloke next door to you at the urinal who seems to be giving a whole new meaning to the word ‘splashback’, there’s the added complicated fuckery of the button fly.

Who was it that decided that a row of metal buttons, which are invariably almost impossible to do up without looking like a demented break-dancer, was a better, or ‘trendier’, option than a zip?

Why is it virtually impossible now to buy a pair of decent jeans that has the luxury of a good old-fashioned zip? You remember those, don’t you? A simple mechanical device for gaining access to your best friend. No need to undo your belt. Nor your top button. No wierd and wonderful shapes being thrown while trying to disengage button from hole. No pulling your jeans down and exposing your arse in public places.

Just step up to urinal, undo zip, pull out todger and release flow with smile on face. Then shake/knock off drops, quick scowl at Mr Pressure-washer next-door, place todger back inside underpants, do up zip – taking care, lest blood be drawn – then step away. Job done, no-one hurt, dignity intact.

Can someone please tell me what’s so fucking wrong with that?

eBook Conversion vs. Formatting

ebook_formattingWith the current trend of indie authors heading into self-publishing, there are many “specialists” now jumping on the bandwagon and offering to “convert” your manuscript for not a lot of money.

Because of this, those writers and self-publishers looking to outsource this part of the process should make a point of getting to know what they’re actually paying for. There is a whole world of difference between ebook “conversion” and ebook “formatting”. Continue reading

A mistake to avoid when using affiliate links in your ebook

affiliate linksHere’s a little bit of advice you may be interested in if you produce any form of viral marketing publication. You know the sort of thing: ebooks, pdf reports, courses, reviews, etc.

Never use any link inside the content that you can’t control or change later.

You should always use redirect links from your own domain when putting any kind of link inside your ebook or publication. Most people will insert their affiliate link for a product or service inside their ebook that they are hoping readers will click on and earn them some cash. Continue reading

Deadly Night-Girl

Here’s another very short short story for one of Chuck Wendig’s Flash Fiction Challenges.

Chuck’s brief was simple: “I want you to tell me a story in five sentences. (Yes, a complete story.) No longer than 100 words total.”

Deadly Night-Girl

night girl
If you look really hard she still retains a certain glamour, but only on a good day.

In a previous life she had it all; she was an A-lister, she sparkled, turned heads, broke more than a few hearts. Now there are only memories; and needles; and the stale-piss stench of the cubicle.

A liquid jewel pops out of her vein, an HIV ruby pooling at the exit of the thin steel lifeline.

She’s well past caring about how she looks but she covers her arms carefully, in her line of business it makes the punters nervous.

Go to Chuck’s blog at the link above to see a load more. And be amazed by how many entrants don’t seem to read the brief!

Do you want the truth? – A short story in 500 words

Here’s my contribution to Chuck Wendig’s ‘flash fiction challenge’. The brief got my writerly juices flowing, it was as follows:

Go to Your Favorite Music Player. Dig out your digital music collection.
Hit SHUFFLE, then “Play.”
Meaning, let a random song come bubbling up out of nothing.
The title to this song is the title to your story.
Use the song for inspiration, too, if you feel so inclined.
Let’s tighten up the word count a little, too –
You only have 500 words this time.    Continue reading

Wanna get rich? Park your mouse and dust off your shoes!

get rich quickAre you an ‘Internet Marketer’?

Congratulations! You’re part of a huge movement, the 99% of wannabes who will never make a dime!

You’ll just keep flitting from one ‘money making’ scheme to the next, all the while overdosing on daily emails from all the ‘gurus’ out there trying to bleed you dry with the latest must-have ‘guaranteed-income-for-doing-fuck-all’ crock of gold. (Or is that crock of shit?)    Continue reading

Britain’s Got Talent? If you believe that you’re just plain f***ing stupid!

ronan parkeI watched a bit of this absolute fucking mind-numbing garbage last night and was going to do a rant about it today.

But then I was on Twitter and I saw a link to the article below on and decided that it said everything I was going to say. Only more so, and from an insider’s point of view!

So I’ll reproduce it verbatim below and just let you draw your own conclusions:    Continue reading